Comming out +

I cannot help but see. That given the concern and issues relating to confidentiality & disclosure. Based of course and understandably on the stimga of having HIV and the fear it brings.

That this is very much a weapon that is used against us as a community to ensure we keep quiet. Don't rock the boat. Won't create a fuss if we are picked on or bullied. Will lie back and just accept what the powers that be dish out to us.

I do understand personally why people feel the way they do.

However there is "safety in numbers".

From my experience as a gay man. Over the years coming out of the closet has become much easier than it was for me some 20 odd years ago. When I came out it was easier for me compare to those that came before.

Activism, people taking the lead. Challenge the established prejudices and correcting assumptions. Encourage people, over the years. Not to fear who they were in there "heart & soul". I am not saying that issues are not still there. Just that by comming together as a community progress was made. So much so that it has been fashionable from time to time to have a "gay friend".

The HIV community and the issues faced. Are not that dissimilar to the struggles of the Gay community over the years.

We should learn from this.

So very much in the back of my mind is another challange. To encourage people to "Come out +". To create the right atmosphere and understanding within society to facilitate this.

Many people have raised the issue that they feel "institutionalised" by their experience of HIV. That this sucks and feeling of empowerment out of them.

Yes there is alot of pity. "Poor you" scenario.

This merely reinforces all of the issues in this post. It feeds them. It is in the interests of the powers that be. To keep this idea alive. It serves them in their funding and decision making. Because we are too scared to speak up.

I WANT TO CHANGE THIS.

I want people to be able to empower themselves. Fight the stigmatism. Be able to be open about HIV.

Since the early days and the early campaigners in the HIV field. We as a community have contributed positively to health care delivery, the relationships we form with those that support us etc. Some continue to do so. More power to there elbow.

In 1999 I started the year with pnuemonia. Thank fully it wasn't PCP. But I was hospitalised and isolated in a room. A hiv test was requested by the medics to rule out HIV PCP.

I remember it well. My mum sat on my bed. When the doctor came in. She didn't need to say anything. Her face said it all. Before she spoke. I said I knew the result. She apologised. I really feel for Doctors who have to deliver bad news. The doctor & staff was very respectful and supportive.

Then I was told I would be lucky to last out the next six months.

So in the fullness of time I started HAART.

Every day is a blessing. I love getting older.

As time has gone on I have become more and more open about my HIV. I hope to post some of my experience of that here.